This Article is From Jul 08, 2016

From Potential Bond to Tween in Tank. What Happened to Tom Hiddleston?

From Potential Bond to Tween in Tank. What Happened to Tom Hiddleston?

Image (L): taylor.

Highlights

  • Tom, Taylor celebrated July 4 at a beach near her home in Rhode Island
  • Taylor broke-up with Calvin Harris sometime around June
  • Was Calvin Harris thrown over for some mega-career changing conspiracy?
Mumbai: Oh, Tom Hiddleston, how on earth did we get here?

One minute Bond contender, brilliant gyrator
 

via GIPHY



...and now one half of Hiddleswift.

One minute star of Avengers, The Night Manager and something else, now a heart tattoo-sporting, a I-<3-TS (and how we wish he meant Eliot) tank-wearing, over-excited tween. Two steps up from a Kardashian.
 
 

@taylorswift #tomhiddleston #taylorswift #swiftie #getalessiatoonemillion

A photo posted by Swiftie (@swifties_ts1989) on



One minute a stud. Now well, a lifetime of work reduced to Taylor Swift's other half. An incredibly excited, though not altogether convincing other half too.

What happened? Is Loki's sceptre in play? Can we blame Brexit? Or was Tom Cruise's former manager bored out of his brains? Because brace yourself peeps, it's happening: what we have here is Tom and Katie part 2.

Only much, much worse.

Because this Tom was, is, a lot more lovable. And actually Taylor is too. Just on their own or even with other people. Not as part of this we're-suddenly-joined-at-the-hip-gazing-into-each-others-eyes-endlessly-and-managing-to-make-ryan-reynolds-awkward-at-the same-time. The blankness of that gaze, the quiet desperation of his stare into space... we've all been there. Especially when faced with heartshaped (with a T, geddit? cut out). And that T-shirt as they romped in the surf? Did he lose a bet? It was the leap on Oprah's sofa all over again, only with much uglier clothes.

We're not cynical. We love a good love story. When George and Amal hit the headlines, we were all.over.it. It was sudden, sure, and on the surface looked and sounded too good to be true (still kinda does) but most critically, it seemed, and likely is, real. They looked delighted in and dazzled by each other. They did not appear to have walked out of Taylor's private jet straight into the arms of the waiting paparazzi. Who has them on hand to capture every thing from arrivals to the first meet with Mum? Who meets the parents a week after you locked lips? Who stages arm-in-arm shots with said mother?

What self-respecting Brit, and potential Bond contender, looks this sappy this publicly? Where's that stiff upper lip? (No, really. Where is it?) And what self-respecting Brit (doesn't even have to be a Bond contender) (actually, doesn't even have to be Brit) wears a wet tank with his girlfriend's initials and a pink heart tattoo? On purpose. AND LOOKS HAPPY WHILE DOING SO?

What self-respecting anyone over 30 years even goes to a Selena Gomez concert?

Who goes from dancing like this
 

via GIPHY



to..... this.
 
 

TAYLOR SWIFT & TOM HIDDLESTON GETTING DOWN #MET #DANCE #FUNFUN #PRINCE #NYC #tomhiddleston

A video posted by Carlos Souza (@carlossouza1311) on



So, we're asking: is this some elaborate PR exercise? Is it in fact, a carefully planned 'hiddleswindle' (it even has its own hashtag)? Was Calvin Harris thrown over for some mega-career changing conspiracy? Frankly, we hope so. That, honestly, makes more sense. (Did you learn nothing from Ben and his original Jen?). HINT: canoodling on rocks with a handy pap around the corner? Doesn't scream true love. Just FYI.
 

So, look, it's a plea. Either get what you both have to out this and move on from each other. It's for your own good. Or find and destroy that sceptre. It's doing weird things to you guys. Maybe you don't even know it's happening. And this way you, us and Ryan Reynolds can stop our desperate stares down the abyss.

Think of it as your bit for world peace.

.