If you've ever wondered why the world is such a gargantuan mess, director Scott Stewart's Legion provides the answer. It turns out that God is awfully inefficient. So when he loses faith in mankind and decides to exterminate human beings, he doesn't bring on an apocalyptic flood or toss down a deathly plague or even engineer a tidal wave. Instead, he has his angels take over human beings who then turn into murderous zombies. Unfortunately for God, one of his angels, Michael played by Paul Bettany, keeps the faith, rebels against God and protects a group of strangers who are stranded in a diner aptly named Paradise Falls. It turns out that the unborn child of a waitress is going to be our savior and Michael must ensure that it survives.
You've probably figured out by now that Legion is deliriously silly.
Which would be fine if Stewart wasn't also trying to make it meaningful. So in between zombie attacks, characters impart life lessons and deliver brain dead dialogue like: Some people realize that being lost is so close to being found. These interludes are painfully dull. Legion only peps up when the things turn nasty. I especially enjoyed one sequence in which a sweet old lady turned into a nasty monster, bites off a man's neck and then proceeds to climb up on the ceiling. Unfortunately Stewart doesn't stage more moments like this and we have to be content with angels battling each other with strange medieval weapons and the waitress giving birth to the messiah. Did I mention that when the Michael reveals to her who her child is, she says: But I'm a waitress. I don't even own a car. This film isn't even good B-grade fun. Steer Clear.