No Problem is so staggeringly brain dead and relentlessly tedious that it makes Anees Bazmee?s earlier comedies, Singh is Kinng and Welcome look like classics.
In fact as I watched this incoherent patchwork of singularly unfunny gags, I decided that No Problem is even a few notches below Akshay Kumar?s stunningly awful Kambakkht Ishq.
At least in that film, you could distract yourself with Kareena Kapoor?s outfits. This is the bargain basement version.
So, the glamour comes in the form of Kangana Ranaut wearing fiercely blown lips and garish clothes; Neetu Chandra playing the villain?s moll in even more hideous outfits and Sushmita Sen trying her best to make schizophrenia funny.
And did I mention that the climax hinges on a gorilla letting out a gigantic fart. The story, what little there is, centers around a diamond heist, which goes wrong.
Two small-time crooks played by Akshaye Khanna and Sanjay Dutt; a bumbling cop played by Anil Kapoor and a nasty gangster Marcos played by Suniel Shetty are all chasing the diamonds.
This threadbare plot is an excuse for flat jokes, limp songs and action scenes, which are excessively violent for a comedy. People get shot, burned, electrocuted and brutally beat up.
There are also some random racist jokes, including one in which an African-American girl asks: Obama is the President of America and you still hate us. None of this is very funny but the last straw is a gag, which has Anil Kapoor making the moves on Akshaye Khanna in drag. I?m going with one star.