At one point in Pyaar Impossible, Alisha, a hottie played by Priyanka Chopra asks major geek Abhay, played by Uday Chopra, "Tumhe lagta hai ki log ek doosre ko sirf khoobsurti ki wajah se chahte hain?" That's really shallow.
She could have been talking about the film. Pyaar Impossible is one of those superbly shallow films that manages to offend you on every level - as a viewer, as a woman, as a mother. This Notting Hill-style rom-com is singularly charmless and absolutely impossible.
Pyaar Impossible is a vehicle for Uday Chopra who has also written and produced the film. Uday has cast himself as a lovable geek who recognises his limitations.
In one scene he even says, "Main koi prince charming toh nahin hun." Which is why the college queen Alisha is barely aware of his existence. He saves her life but she doesn't know what he looks like.
They meet seven years later in Singapore. She is now a divorced working mother - a fact she repeats again and again. And her six-year-old daughter Tanya is the most demonic child seen on screen since Damien terrorised us in The Omen.
Somehow, Abhay ends up as Tanya's nanny. In one of the script's many absurd moments, Alisha leaves her daughter with a male nanny whom she has never met.
Before you know it, Tanya is trying to set up her nanny with her mom. She has a sleep over at a friends house so mom and nanny can bond. The next day she even asks Abhay, "Give me the goss."
If this was my daughter, I would donate her to charity. Together Tanya and nanny also foil the rival, Varun, played by Dino Morea, who incidentally has also stolen's Abhay's revolutionary new software program.
If the plot description sounds convoluted, imagine what the film is like.
Director Jugal Hansraj stretches out this limp tale over two and a half hours. The film's message is just as garbled as the plot.
In one scene, Abhay demonstrates to Alisha that ugly people can't find love. So, he makes her unattractive and takes her to several bars. And she is so shocked to find that the boys aren't interested in her ugly avtaar that she starts to weep.
For most of the film though, Priyanka looks like a million bucks - it seems like Jugal and Uday have spent more time on her styling than the script. But for reasons unknown, she acts like a hyper teenager.
Uday plays the nerd with absolute sincerity but it's hard to summon up any affection for him. And Dino seems to have decided that expression is a waste of time. His face just stays blank.
Pyaar Impossible is depressingly dim-witted.